On Steven Curtis Chapman, ABBA, and the darker knight

… When an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.

So Joker described his bond with Batman as such.  There is something very compelling in this line – every time I hear it, I try to imagine how this is so not applicable in my life.  In vain.

In perspective, I am both.  With my extensive assortment of acquaintances and my more conservative choice of intimate friends, I am usually the unstoppable force.  I rarely pause once I start talking (err, thinking aloud); I am more of a go-with-the-flow person – as long as it is not in conflict with work, you can count me in.  I am, in general, not too difficult to please.  What is important is I am with the company I enjoy and I am all set.

There are rare times, of course, when I am in the mood to be obstinate and dealing with me gets too grueling.  As I said, these moments are rare.  And it isn’t as if I’ve done it by choice – sometimes work gets to me, people get to me, the really bad traffic got to me.  And it is not just an instantaneous reaction to things.  It could be that work has been stacking up for the past 6 months and my supervisor keeps on overlooking that sad fact as there is no workaround with ‘no available funds for another resource.” It could be that the person has been hot and cold and hot and cold and I suddenly just ran out of good humor.  The traffic has been bad since Day One and it has been more than 365 days.  You know how it is – little things that you choose to just wink at – but there comes a point when it becomes more stressful to hold in than to let out.  So I let it out.  I let it all out.

And you know what’s sad after letting lose all that angst?  You get reprimanded, they point you to a corner and tell you to wait.  Until they are better.  Until they are ready.  And you don’t have anything to hold on to.  Except time.

And to wait for that long a time until they are ready to forgive you – it’s pure anguish.

Just as good a timing is coming across this song as I was watching Lipstick Jungle on 2nd Avenue earlier today.  And I say “Thank you for the music!”

 

I found You in the most unlikely way
But really it was You who found me
And I found myself in the gifts that You gave
You gave me so much and I

I wish You could stay
but I’ll, I’ll wait for the day

And I watch as the cold winter melts into spring
And I’ll be remembering You
Oh and I’ll smell the flowers
and hear the birds sing
and I’ll be remembering You,
I’ll be remembering You

From the first moment when I heard Your name
Something in my heart came alive
You showed me love and no words could explain
A love with the power to
Open the door
To a world I was made for

The dark night, the hard fight
The long climb up the hill knowing the cost
The brave death, the last breathe
The silence whispering all hope was lost
The thunder, the wonder
A power that brings the dead back to life

I wish You could stay
But I’ll wait for the day
And though You’ve gone away
You come back and

I’ll be remembering You

And I’ll watch as the sun
fills a sky that was dark
And I’ll be remembering You
And I’ll think of the way that
You fill up my heart
And I’ll be remembering You

On Carrie and the rain

We get to experience rain every day now for the past couple of weeks.  I find myself pointlessly walking outside the office (I work nights, by the way), hopping from block to block until I start seeing dark alleys, making me turn around and go back to the safer part of the city.  I used to tell a friend I feel like I’m in SATC – I am SJP walking back to my apartment in Manhattan – every time I walk along the streets of Manila after a drizzle, water puddles and all.  It has been a year since I got transferred to this area.  No, it still doesn’t feel like home.  I still find myself thinking about another city from my past, my home for a decade until last year.

But this city is no longer a stranger.  I raise my face, closing my eyes as cold July air brushes my cheeks and I forget albeit for couple of seconds that a molehill of work needs to be finished and that I have a dozen reports to submit by end of day.  For now I am Carrie.  And in a few years, I too will find my Big.